A Shitty Poem About Doing an Essay

0 out of 3000,
So I stare to Heaven,
Praying for the words to come,
Lest will I do myself harm.

Alas, I sit and stare,
Beneath the fluorescent glare,
Spirit tamped with despair,
While I scream at the night, “Come if you dare!”

Pondering Over the Affair

Mystery after mystery,

Clues that lead me to nowhere.

If only, I could find the key

That leads me there.

Reasoning and logic desert me

As I sit, pondering over the affair.

 

Cursing and spitting on a dead man’s grave in front of his friend.

Dear Menj,

I saw your three comments on three different posts of mine. It was dated 21st July 2011. I was notified of your comments through my email but I could not be bothered to check them out. At that point of time, I was suffering from blogging overdose and decided to take another short hiatus.

I decided to check my blog today. While I was going through my blog, I saw your comments and decided to read them.

I appreciate your two other comments, the second comment where you corrected my Bahasa Malaysian spelling of ‘hantu’. and the last comment where you mentioned ‘La La Land’. I’m not sure what your last comment really meant though. Are you calling Singapore the ‘la-la land’ or is it Malaysia? Reading your blog, I must draw the conclusion that you’re referring to Singapore as the ‘la-la land’. Or I could be wrong, you could be referring to Malaysia.

But this is not about Singapore’s or Malaysia’s development progress. Neither is this about Bahasa Malaysian. This is about your virginal comment, Menj.

I have to say, Menj, I was and still am, fucking angry at your virginal comment on my blog.

I don’t know how you found my blog. But let me guess this is how it went. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

One day, you woke up in a bad mood. Perhaps you stepped out of the wrong side of the bed or you just felt moody. It was just one of those things that had no explanations. You just woke up feeling like shit and you will feel like shit for the rest of the day.

Stumbling to the toilet, you tried shaking off the last vestiges of sleep from you mind and ended up banging your head against the medical cabinet. Ouch. The second injustice of the day. But you decided to shoulder on, you brave soldier, you. So you picked up your toothbrush and proceeded to pour mouthwash on it.

Damn, today’s really not looking too great for you.

After surviving the mild cruelties of your morning wash up, you decided to leave the house in search of some teh terik and maybe some beef murtabak to soothe your moodiness and hurt feelings. So you went to your favourite mamak stall only to find that the hawker was not there. In his place was his young, inexperienced assistant.

Unable to tolerate the increasing pangs of hunger, you ordered the food and drink from the young assistant. The tea was not pulled enough and the beef murtabak, rubbery and cold. But somehow, you managed to choke them down.

When you finally reached home three hours later than usual after getting caught in the peak morning traffic, you’re exhausted. And the day is not even halfway done.

The day passed uneventfully. You spent time updating your blog, managing your SEO company and updating yourself on current affairs in Malaysia and around the world. Yet, you still could not shake off that sense of dread and moodiness.

Day turned into night. You skipped lunch and you plan on skipping dinner because of your lack of appetite. But for every second, every minute, every hour you let your stomach go hungry, the ball of bitterness and hatred in you starts feeding off your gastric juice and begins growing.

Didn’t you know that a hungry man is an angry man?

It wells up to the point where it presses on your diaphragm, so you can’t breathe properly. Since you can’t breathe properly, there’s a lack of oxygen supply to your brain, which of course, means you can’t think clearly.

It was a cascade of bitterness triggered by the bad start you had earlier in the morning. And it was just ‘one of those days’.

In the midst of all this bitterness and moodiness, one enemy appeared in your mind. You became so fixated on him that you went to Google and typed down ‘Rajan Rishyakaran’. I guess my blog was in the top 5 results.

After reading my obituary, you felt satisfied that he was not around to question your authoritative opinions. After all, it’s just a numbers game for you. It’s one less person going against your supposed ‘superior opinions’. Never mind the fact that Rajan died in a car accident nearly two years ago. You just can’t let it go.

Anyway, you commented on my obituary with:

“Good riddance to bad rubbish”.

I have to admit, I chuckled a bit because for some reason, it reminded me of PAP’s (Singapore ruling party) ‘good opposition’ and ‘bad opposition’. Good opposition are those who toe the line, bad ones are those who don’t. So it seems that Rajan falls in the latter. He doesn’t toe your imaginary line. So you take offense at that.

After writing that comment, it must have made you feel so much better because the other two comments on my blog was very mild.

Hmm, well, fuck you.

I don’t care if you had a bad day. I don’t care if you and Rajan were mortal enemies on the Malaysian blogosphere arguing about politics and religion. I don’t care if you swore you will be enemies with Rajan till eternity or whenever the fuck God/Allah/Big Deity ends the entire current reality (including heaven, earth and hell).

But, what I care is that you wrote a fucking insensitive comment on MY blog. On MY obituary to him.

Feels good, doesn’t it? Cursing and spitting on a dead man’s grave in front of his friend.

I’m not taking your comment down. I’m going to leave it there to show your insensitive, pig-headed, fuckwit comment to the entire world. Whatever credibility you have, you’ve just shredded it into tatters.

Grow up, Menj.

Good morning, and good luck,

Zareth.

P.S.: Menj’s comment on my obituary.

Upcoming film – 1965: Dark of the Malaya

Tony Leung is Lee Kuan Yew.

Tony Leung, the famous Hong Kong actor, is Lee Kuan Yew, the father of modern Singapore.

In case you forget who Tony Leung is, this is him:

 

 

(Taken from neogogo)

 

He’s a handsome actor.

This is Lee Kuan Yew during his younger days.

If you’re wondering where I’m going with this, hang on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Famous for acting in films such as Infernal Affairs and Lust, Caution, Tony may be playing Lee Kuan Yew in the political triller 1965.

Don’t believe me?

Check this out:

 

 

(Link here.)

 

I several niggling questions though.

1) Why Tony? I don’t see any resemblance between him and LKY.

2) Why choose a Hong Kong actor instead of a Singaporean actor? Wait, I can actually answer that. Instead of portraying Lee Kuan Yew, the Singaporean actor will be portraying Lee Hauntu (Malay for ghost). Most Singaporean film and television actors have the acting range of a zombie. Only a well-rounded actor like Tony will be able to play LKY.

3) Why is Julianne Moore slated to be in this film? Not that I’m complaining though. But I can picture two roles that she’ll most likely be playing:

  • A intrepid, hardnose BBC journalist chronicling the turbulent months before Singapore got its independence. Jeff Goldblum, pissed that BBC sent his girlfriend to a dangerous region, rushed down from the U.S. and saved her before the entire Singapore implodes.
  • Or, she is the wife of an Englishman residing in either the Malaya Peninsular or Singapore, who is played by Jeff Goldblum.

If you’re wondering why I keep mentioning Jeff Goldblum, it’s because I keep thinking of The Lost World: Jurassic Park. And the reason I keep thinking of JP 2 is because of this:

 

 

(Website here)

 

Munich and Empire of the Sun are directed by Steven Spielberg. Do you see the connection now? DO YOU? IT’S A CONSPIRACY!!!! 

Sorry guys, I’m not the one shouting. It’s this guy:

 

 

(Taken from Wikipedia)

 

John Turturro, starring as:

 

 

(Taken from Wikipedia)

 

David Saul Marshall, Singapore’s 1st Chief Minister and firebrand politician.

Now add in Michael Bay as director and Steven Spielberg as producer and you’ll get the most explosive, blockbuster political thriller ever. 

1965: Dark of the Malaya, a film not to be missed.

Shia LaBeouf might get a part.

Now all I need is to find the film poster.

 

_____________________________________

Check out some of mrbrown’s photos of Tony Leung as LKY here.

 

 

Rally Video for SBA 2011

This will be my last post on asking readers to vote for me in the Best What-The-Hell category in the Singapore Blog Awards 2011.

Last post, promise.

Anyway, about two weeks back, I received an email from omy.sg, the media company organizing the SBA 2011. I was asked to send a video to them for two purposes:

  1. Advertise my blog in the SBA 2011 to raise my blog’s profile.
  2. Rally votes from readers.

In the video, I had to prepare a two minutes rally speech, describing myself, my passion for blogging and last but not least, why people should vote for me.

Pretty simple, right?

The only problem is that I know I don’t have the looks, charm and deep, gravelly voice to convey my sincerity to the people watching my video.

So I decided to do a stop motion film.

I did the stop motion film over two days and sent it to omy.sg. So far, they have not put up my video yet. So I decided to go ahead and put it up on YouTube.

The result is this:

 

 

 

 

I know the film looks pretty crappy, it was the first time I did a stop motion film.

I think I took slightly more than a thousand pictures just for a 2 minutes film. I now have a lot of respect for people who churn out quality stop motion film. Doing one takes a lot of patience, perseverance and more patience. I almost gave up halfway until my housemate took some time-off from her studying and helped me out with the second part.

So now you’ve seen the video, you know my plight. I’m starving (attention-seeking) blogger who needs more food (attention). You can donate more food (votes) by clicking on the big, blue Vote for me here! on the right column.

If you’re not directed to the page when you click the link, then go here. Click on Best What-The-Hell category on the left column, and look for Mr. Toilet Seat. I’m the 4th contestant on the list.

Do the right thing, vote for me and spread the word. Vote for me daily until 3rd July and you’ll get a chance to win prizes. It’s a win-win situation.

 

P.S. I did not steal the bathtub. And yes, that’s the same bathtub in the header picture.