Monthly Archives: August 2009

The Beer did it.

Posted on by
Reply

I know I said that I won’t update my blog until the weekend. But I’m seriously in no mood to study and just witnessed something quite, quite amusing.

I came back from a rooftop BBQ that ended a few hours ago. It was organized by my hostel management to help us get to know our neighbours and hopefully, make a few friends, even though we (tenants) all know that we’re probably never see each other again after our six months contract end and we move out to better lodgings.

Unless we go to the same school. Even then, we’ll probably not see each other unless we are in the same faculty. Even if we were in the same faculty, we will probably be doing different courses. Even if we were doing the same course, we will probably have different class schedules.

So the chances of maintaining friendships are quite slim. Unless we become very chummy during the next six months. If we even bother to meet up.

During the BBQ in the cold, crisp night air where I enjoyed piping hot Aussie BBQ and music from a live band and generally, just soaking in the atmosphere and enjoying myself, there were quite a few rowdy people. No alcohol was provided and it was strictly BYO (Bring Your Own alcohol, for those uninitiated). So a number of people bought their own beers and liquors.

And it was a lot.

I decided to abstain because frankly, I rarely drink on weekdays and I hate Wednesdays (another topic). So I got myself a Pepsi and just waited in the long line for my hot dogs. A few Australians came up to me and joked with me that about the no alcohol, no hot dogs policy. I joked back that I had one Heineken in my fridge (I do) but didn’t want to lose my place in the line. It was just some bantering around to get to know each other. They were very friendly guys and they offered me beer. Of course I accepted their offer (even though I decided to abstain) but they later forgot about their offer.

I didn’t want to bother them about it because after all, its their beer and they were the ones offering me it. Anyway, after I got my hot dogs and stood in one corner devouring it, two girls from my floor, whom I knew, came up to join the party. They didn’t want any hot dogs so we stood that chatting. To be more accurate, they chatted while I was watching this girl.

This girl had a beer and was talking and giggling with a group of people near us. Let’s call her girl A. Now, Girl A was a little boisterous and was being a social butterfly, flittering here and there with her friends. As I was at the BBQ earlier, I knew she had a Heineken previously and so just assumed that she was high.

Well, I was wrong.

The two girls whom I was with decided to head back to their rooms and so I followed them. But after a few minutes of moping around in my room and acknowledging the fact that I was in no mood to study, I headed back to the BBQ alone to just enjoy the festive mood.

I recognized one of the Indian dudes and started chatting with him. When he remembered I was Singaporean, he started to look around for another Singaporean guy he met as he wanted to introduce us. Thankfully he didn’t (See “Secret Societies and NDP” for reason).

Meanwhile, Girl A was now very boisterous. She was staggering around, laughing and talking loudly to every person she met. One of the guys who was subjected to her constant laughing told us that she just had one beer.

One beer? Really? I thought it was two or three?

Girl A generally made a fool of herself. She grabbed and pawed at this French guy (I assume, because of his angular face) who did not look please and told her to stop it.

The rest of us just grinned and laughed at her antics.

Someone mentioned that she was Malaysian. But I could be wrong. She could be Singaporean, Thai, Filipino or something else. Anyway, her nationality is not of great importance.

Her friend was trying to calm Girl A down and at times, had to drag her away. This farce continued for the the next 10 minutes or so, Girl A talking to people, being very chummy and friendly, laughing and hopping around and her friend following her, desperately trying to calm her down.

Then for some unknown reasons to me, Girl A broke down and cried.

Girl A started shaking her head violently every time her friend tried to talk to her and later, Girl A sat on a bench and continued sobbing.

Oh, has the beer haze lifted?

Girl A’s friend bought her water and after a few minutes, Girl A calmed down sufficiently. I think the reason why Girl A broke down was because she realized she just embarrassed herself  in front of half the hostel tenants, not to mention the staff too. I can’t confirmed this because I was just standing at one side watching the whole drama. So its just an assumption.

That was one reason why I abstained from any alcohol. If you ever want to impress anyone and give a great first impression, the first rule is: DON’T GET DRUNK. DON’T GET DRUNK. Have one beer to loosen up, if you must. But DON’T GET DRUNK.

Especially when you are in front of a group of people who will bump into you in the lobby for the next six months. It’s okay to get drunk with your group at a pub or club. Because it is a pub/club and they’ll be 50-100 other people drinking their heads in. But at a get-together BBQ? Sure, it’ll be fine if there was a group of males (and females) playing beer pong and having a drinking competition.

Unfortunately the rest of us were sober.

Note to Girl A (If she ever reads my blog and identifies herself): Its okay to get drunk. I get drunk. Sometimes really, really shit-faced drunk. And those times are not the times you would want to be around me. Unfortunately, you were the only one drunk/high/tipsy and the rest of us were not. But don’t take it to heart, take it as lesson learned, ok?

P.S. Damn, Aussies can really drink! I saw a lot of empty beer bottles but no one seemed out of control (except Girl A).

Secret Societies and NDP.

Posted on by
7

Warning: Very Long Post and Rant Ahead. For Sharmen and Gilbert, skip if you don’t want to waste your “2 years”.

Happy reading.

I’ve been blogging a lot the past 2 days and I have 3 reasons for this sudden spurt of inspiration:

1) I’m procrastinating on my studies. My reading list is just piling up and up.

2) I’m bored

3) I’m procrastinating and cannot be bothered to study. What’s the point in doing things half-heartily?

4) I’ve got a lot of things to say. Might as well do some verbal diarrhea now cause I’m not going to blog for the rest of the week (I’ll be studying very hard to catch up on the readings).

Okay, that’s 4 reasons.

Anyway, I got off MSN with Ranga a few hours ago and we were both talking (me talking, he bitching) about NDP. For those non-Singaporeans, NDP means National Day Parade. NDP falls on 09 August and its the day when Singapore was unceremoniously kicked out of the Malaysia Federation in 1965. We are the only country to be given our independence against our will. What a fucking irony.

Yes, I know a lot about Singapore’s history. I am FASCINATED by my country’s history. I’ve read Lee Kuan Yew’s memoirs: “The Singapore Story” and “From Third World to First”. And not the abridged versions. The thick, proper ones. And not because I was in History class, I read them out of my own free will (and time).

Anyway, Ranga was complaining how NDP was just the same old, same old. Halfway through, he mentioned that it was 8:22pm in Singapore and he was feeling very irritated. I asked him why and he said something about the pledge. Then I realized and started LOLing at him through MSN.

Apparently, I read on Temasek Review’s website that every Singaporean is encouraged to say the National pledge at 8.22pm. Ranga said he was not going to do it and said that serving 2 years in National Service was equivalent to saying the pledge 100 times. I couldn’t help but agree.

I don’t see the point of having a country-wide mass pledge because it seems too co-ordinated and seems like another Singaporean attempt to break the world record. Okay, let’s say our 3 million odd people says the pledge, what happens after that?

Nothing.

Why?

Cause if you think about it, every morning from Monday to Friday, thousands upon thousands of school kids are saying the pledge during school assemblies. So essentially, we are having a mass pledge day after day during school weeks. I know cause I sang the National Anthem and said the pledge everyday for 6 years in primary school.

So after the 3 million odd people said the pledge, they’ll just continue with doing whatever they’re doing in their life. What an anti-climax. Same old, same old.

Halfway through our MSN coversation, Ranga asked if I had to celebrate NDP in Sydney. I told him that the Singaporean Student Society in the USyd might be holding a dinner celebration or something like that. I don’t know cause I didn’t join the society and frankly speaking, I only know one Singaporean student, a girl, from the university. The rest are my army khakis and I’m pretty sure that the 3 of them are not celebrating NDP too.

Coincidentally, my dad SMSed me to ask if Singaporeans were celebrating NDP in Sydney. I told him I didn’t know and he asked if the embassy were celebrating.

I replied: “Don’t know, not sure.”

He asked if I was registered with the Singaporean embassy. I returned his question with a question, asking if I had needed to register with them. Wait later kenna called back enlistment, then how? He told me to register with them so that I’ll be inform about any Singaporean celebrations or events.

I think I’ll register with them. But only if I run into any difficulties or problems in Sydney. But for me attending Singaporean events? Forget it.

Back to the MSN conversation.

Ranga said that he finds these Singaporean Student Societies stupid. In fact, when I told him that it was not only Singaporeans doing it and the Koreans, Chinese, Taiwanese, French, German and Vietnamese and majority of the international students have their own societies, he said he found all of them stupid.

I agreed with him, more or less.

I agreed with Ranga because it was kind of pointless on congregating together in a foreign country. I mean, you go to a foreign country to either work or study for the next few years and to me, you’ll need to submerge yourself into the local culture. I mean, what’s the point of staying to a foreign country for a few years and not learning anything?

I understand that the purpose of having these societies are to provide support and help for their own nationalities. Yes, we all get homesick in a new country and we all feel lost. These nationality societies provide some comfort by reminding us of our home country and hey, you get to speak in your home country lingo and probably get to meet some hot chicks/hunks!

I don’t find anything wrong with that but I find it rather ironic.

Let me pick on my own nationality (who else can I pick on?).

I bet the majority of the Singaporeans student here complain about Singapore constantly. Hey, I admit I’m one of them too. Weather fucking hot and humid. Government fucking restrictive. We guys have to serving 2 years of NS. Fuck lah. Singapore not fun at all lor. Singapore boring lor. Singapore where got 4 seasons, HAH? Singapore no hot chicks/ hunks. Singapore boring, Singapore boring, Singapore sucks, Singapore fucks, Singapore and the list goes on.

Yet, over here, they congregate together. For what? Just like what Ranga said, when they are in Singapore, they complain and complain. Yet once they are out of Singapore, they form Singaporean societies. He also added that if they loved Singapore so much, they should have just stayed on in Singapore. Exactly my point.

Step out of your comfort zones! Explore new cultures! USyd has so many international students! Explore their cultures! This goes to all the nationality societies. In fact, USyd, or more accurately, the USyd Union has a society called UniMates and I’m a member of that. UniMates is formed just for international students. They organize outings to explore Sydney and Australian cultures and to provide support for international students. Homesick? Join UniMates. Lost and sleepless in Sydney? Join Unimates. Not sure of what to do with your course? Join UniMates. Want to meet your future BF/GF? Joing UniMates. UniMates. UniMates.

Yeah, this is blatant advertising but I couldn’t care less. The only thing I see good coming out of these nationality societies is national solitary. Seriously, its a waste of time and money if you don’t make full use of the diverse cultural and social life in university.

Won’t it be funny if you studied in a foreign country and went back to your homeland, not knowing anything about your host country??? Let’s take this scenario for an example. Let’s take ME for an example:

Parents: “Ah Boy, ah, so how’s Australia? Got learn anything new?”

Ah Boy (Me): “Got lor, economics lor.” (I’m doing Arts but majority of the Singaporeans are in Econs and Business).

Parents: “No lah, I mean, about Australia, Sydney.”

Ah Boy: “Like what?”

Parents: “Like their culture, what they eat, drink, how they dress, what’s the lifestyle.”

Ah Boy: “Err… the shops close very early. Like 9pm. No 24 hours food outlet.”

Parents: “And?”

Ah Boy: “Err… uh….. ya, that’s all loh. Oh and got a lot of Singaporeans friends.”

Parents: “KNN, spend 3 years just to make friends with Singaporeans. Then pay $100,000 for what?”

I’m not saying that it’s not right to make friends with our fellow countrymen. Neither am I saying that we should start adopting Australian mannerisms, accent, style and et cetera. No, what I’m saying is that we should stop being so insulated in our own little world. It irritates the shit out of me to see every nationality congregating together in the university. Each world making minimal contact with each other or the local population, each world minding their own business. Maybe I’ve only been in school for one month and haven’t explore much of the dynamics of the student population.

Damn, I should take up anthropology next Semester.

But yeah, so far what I noticed is each little bubble bouncing around without making contact at all. It’s really a shame for USyd, really.

I once told the Singaporean girl that I would never identify myself outright as a Singaporean to the Singaporeans in USyd. I’m not trying to avoid them or reject them but for me, if I wanted to make any new Singaporean friend, I would have stayed on in Singapore. If a Singaporean here asked if I am a Singaporean, I would say yes, I’m Singaporean, I won’t deny it. But when I hear a group of Singaporeans chattering nearby, I won’t go up to them and introduce myself as a Singaporean.

Which brings me to yet another point.

Neil Humphreys, a British writer who stayed in Singapore for 10 years once gave this remark. During his student days in the University of Manchester, he noticed that the Asians tended to stay within their own groups. They cooked rice, ate rice, spoke Chinese, Thai and other Asian languages and hanged out together instead of mixing around with other nationalities. So Chinese with Chinese. Thais with Thais and so on.

Now he’s not being racist. No, he’s not. Hear me out first. Or you can go read his travelogues on Singaporean culture. I bet he knows more than the typical Singaporean teenager. So shut up and listen.

Neil Humphreys came from a working class background. A blue-collared background to be exact. A single parent (his mum) home to be more exact. Now, at that point of time, the class system was still quite entrenched in the British mentality. So for a working class, blue-collared boy like Neil to make it to university, it was quite a surprise. Really. Neil also added that his London Cockney accent was quite distinctive within the student body as most came from the middle to upper classes.

Instead of trying to blend in with those classes and hiding his blue-collared background, Neil said he decided to stick to his accent and stick out like a sore thumb. He stuck out even more when he befriended a Scottish guy who spoke in very thick Scottish accent. But that’s another story.

What Neil said was that he found it rather absurd that all the Asians stuck together instead of learning more about their host country’s culture. The only Asian friend he made was a Hong Kongker, who rather succinctly told Neil that if he wanted to make Hong Kong friends, he would have stayed put in Hong Kong.

Therefore, Neil also encourage one to absorb the local culture. During his 10 year stay in Singapore from the 1990s to 2000s, he stayed in a HDB flat in Toa Payoh and ate in coffee shops. And was subjected to many pokes and prods from Singaporean heartlanders. He did not go to Singapore on some expat packages with some MNCs. He just plop himself in Singapore and called it home for the next 10 years and worked in local, quasi-governmental organization like SPH (Singapore Press Holdings) and as a teacher.

His Singaporean travelogues should be read. Seriously. But I’m just diverting away from the main issues.

Right now my favourite ‘Singaporean’ author is staying in some city called Wallagoong or some obscure place, probably trying to absorb Aussie culture there. But that’s not the point.

The point is, if I wanted more Singaporean friends, I would have stayed in Singapore, innit? INNIT? If I wanted to congregate with other Singaporeans, I would have studied in NUS, NTU or SMU.

So please stop congregating in nationality societies. It defeats the purpose of studying in a multicultural university.

Finally, I’ll like to bring up another matter.

One cold, cloudy day in school, I was trying to walk as fast as I can to the bookstore to get some novels that were required reading for English class. I was only wearing a thin cardigan and sweater and so I was trying to get to the warm bookstore as fast as possible. Along the way, this Chinese woman stopped me and I made a mistake of slowing down for her.

Before the words came out of her mouth, I knew exactly what she was going to say.

“Are you a student? Do you go to church? I am from a church nearby and would like to invite you to our bible studies.”

This have happened to me 4 or 5 times. I realized they always target the asians and never the caucasians. And then they always target ME. WHY? Anyway, I declined her offers as usual and started to increase my walking speed. It was FUCKING cold. The sky was overcast and there was no sun that day.

Then she asked me where I was from.

I was still walking, so I said “I am SINGAPOREAN”

“Oh, so you are Japanese.”

Well, I was so shocked that I actually stopped in disbelief. The Chinese women took the wrong hint and thought that she caught my attention and so she went on blabbing about some ridiculous thing about how 1 in 2 Japanese are atheists or don’t believe in God or want to but have no idea where to start. She hopes to convince those 1 in 2 Japanese that there is more to life and God is the way and so on. All this while, she kept looking at me.

So I guess I must be those 1 in 2 Japanese.

After she finished her little speech, she stared expectantly at me, waiting for my reply. I was cold, tired and irritated and so I gave her a curt “not interested” and walked off.

Well, halfway to the bookstore, I decided to stop at a bench to readjust my heavy backpack. From the corner of my eye, I saw a couple creeping up towards me.

They really creep up towards me. I’m not joking. Seriously. They approached me silently and cautiously, eyeing my every movement.

I felt cornered.

Before I knew it, the couple were standing beside me and they just stood there, not saying anything.

I looked up and politely asked them if I could be of any assistance. After all, USyd has dozen of tourists walking around the campus and the couple could be one of them.

But they were not tourists.

The male started hesitantly, he asked me in a rather soft voice if I would like to join their bible study and that their church was just nearby. Would I care to join them for one session.

No, I didn’t care and declined their invitation. Fortunately, they were not as persistent as the previous Chinese lady and so they smiled and left me alone.

Damn it, I think I need to re-grow my facial hair and look like a hobo. In that case, these people would leave me alone and stop approaching me. I mean, out of all the asians walking around me (and there are A LOT), they always target me. WHY? WHY? WHY?

Maybe the Singapore Student Society are out to get me through these means?

Scary.

I’m fucked.

P.S. Its 3am and I’m really, really tired. So I’m sorry if this blog just goes on and on randomly. I tried to structure it coherently but am just too tired.

English Grammar

Posted on by
3

Its the end of Week 2 at school. Tutorials started this week so it was the first time meeting up with all my tutors and group members.

All my tutors are women.

It was just something that got my attention. Nope, no hot tutors. I’m not saying they are ugly but they’re normal people. All doing PhD. Some attached, one just gave birth.

Having a hot one would be an incentive though. I’m just saying.

We have to attend 9 out of 11 tutorials, about 80%. Anything less than that will be considered as absent. And it means I might be failed or suspended or kicked out.

Not a nice thing to think of, especially with a AUS$13,000 per semester fee hanging over my head.

Yeah, AUS$13,000. 20% of Sydney U funds come from us, the international students. I’m pissed that there are no grants, fee helps or scholarships. Even if there are scholarships provided, I’ll either have to be on the dean list or one of the top students. Don’t even get me started on transport concessions.

All I can say that international students get screwed left, right, front, back, top and bottom. I should have went to Aberdeen instead of coming here. Sure, the cost of living might be higher in Scotland, but I can say that there’ll be probably more financial help in UK compared to Sydney.

But what can I say? After all, I’m part of the AUS$15 billion education industry. I’m just a fucking product.

My only option now is to grit and bear it. Study the shit out. Party the shit out. Drink the shit out. Okay, not so much on the last two, probably more on the first, lest my dad decides to withdraw from his $100,000 ‘investment’.

So to increase my dad’s ‘investment’, I turned up for every single tutorial. There were four, one for each subjects. The first tutorial of the week was Psych. Pretty easy tutorial, mostly just talking about the introductory material and introducing ourselves to each other. Second was English (the film and fiction one). Pretty easy tutorial too, just introducing ourselves, citing our favourite movie (I mentioned American History X, to impress the shit out of everyone. And yes, I watched the movie twice) and our favourite novel (mentioned Life of Pi even though I’ve only read 10 pages).

Third tutorial was World Politics. Same thing, basically just introducing ourselves and then on to yabbing about the  theory of realism. My group was mostly girls and all of them were discussing passionately about international relations while the four guys (me and three others) just sat there like stone. We made non-committal remarks and just left it there.

But the last tutorial, English (Text and Language) was a killer. For this subject, we were studying about the structure of the English language, something like linguistic but not quite. For this week, we were studying English Grammar. Now, of all things, I suck, suck, suck at English Grammar. Countless of of my essays were marked by English teachers, stating I had excellent vocabulary, great writing skills, great this, great that, BUT horrible, terrible grammar.

I mix up my past tense, present tense, future tense, past continous tense and what not. I still can’t tell the differences from a pronoun and noun, adverb and verb, adjectives and what not and et cetera.

Well, our tutor made us pair up and made us go through a paragraph to hunt for all the pronouns and nouns. Thank God I did a bit of reading the night before, so I roughly knew what pronouns and nouns were. The whole tutor group went silent while we went through the passage, looking for the said pronouns and nouns. After 5 minutes of doing that, we went over our work with our partners.

Then, right there, in front of my partner, I made myself look like a total idiot.

First, she had those startlingly, misty gray eyes. Now, misty, gray eyes usually transform me into a blubbering idiot because all I can do is to stare at them dreamingly.

And that was what I did. Stared at her for 30 seconds, which was like eternity when she asked me whether this particular word was a noun. And the whole time she was looking at me with a puzzled look, wondering why I was not answering her.

The second time was when I actually told her that the world “white” and “straight” are pronouns. She gave me another puzzled look and said: “Really? I thought they were adjectives.” I shut up and didn’t offered anymore opinions.

Really, FML. It seems like I have to start studying and reading more again.

Most of the class contributed to the discussion about English Grammar while I just sat there like a block of stone. Oh FML.

Seriously, these people are fucking geniuses. The worse thing? They don’t look like it. That’s what I hate. They don’t look like a geniuses until they open their mouth. First, you underestimate them. Or you think that they are like you, average. Then you get screwed by them. God…..

But they are nice people, really. I remember the particular conversation I had with my partner during the English Grammar tutorial, which went like this:

Me: “Did you do this week readings?”

Her: “No. Did you?”

Me: “Nope, neither did I.”

Then we both smiled at each other, comforted in the fact that we both didn’t prepare for the tutorial. Of course, that illusion was shattered when I realized that even if my partner didn’t do any readings, she was still smarter than me. And her English Grammar could kicked the shit out of me.

Hmm, maybe she did do the readings. Maybe she was just trying to make me feel better. Or maybe she paid attention during lectures.

Crap, I need to start paying attention instead of zoning out all the time.

P.S. I’m still a bit freaked out by last night nightmare and keep expecting a MINDEF e-mail to pop up in my inbox, telling me to report back to Singapore.

The Worst Nightmare

Posted on by
Reply

I wrote this on Facebook this morning and decided to post it here too.

Excuse the vulgarities and bad grammar, I wrote it within 5 minutes of waking up.

I just woke up five minutes ago and had one of the worst nightmare ever. It’s still very vivid in my mind.

No, it wasn’t me being trapped in a room with a reverse bear trap stuck to my face and Jigsaw talking to me through a recorded tape.

Not me being chased by a murderer, homicidal man, monster or Pennywise. Actually, I don’t have a phobia of clowns. Pennywise just popped in my mind.

In fact, to other guys, this might just seem a normal dream. But not for me.

It started off with a mundane dream. In it, I went for some random medical check-up. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. It was a typical one, blood test, urine test, eye sight test, x-ray, the works. So after the medical test, I went back home.

A few days later, I got a letter. Cool, results from the medical test are back. Here’s what the letter said:

Lim, Zhihan Zareth

Medical Results: Satisfactory

PES Status: A

Date of Enlistment: 07/09/2009 (I can’t remember the date, all I knew in my dream was that I had one week of freedom left)

Please report to Pasir Ris Bus Interchange at 0730HRS.

It was a rather simple letter. But one look at the heading and recognizing Mindef’s logo, I realized I was being enlisted. PES A some more. Now, I’ve always wanted to be a PES A or B as I wanted to learn how to handle a rifle and grenade. Call me dumb, but everyone has their own opinion. Some are just more garang (on) then others.

Back to the dream.

When I read the letter, I was horrified. What, enlistment? What the fuck is Mindef talking about? It was impossible for me to enlist because of these reason:

1) I had served 2 years of National Service
2) I am currently in Sydney studying and I can’t just stop half-way through my studies.
3) I served my 2 years of National Service and it’s time for me to fuck off.
4) Serve another 2 years? For FUCK?
5) I have permanent hearing loss. For goodness sake, did they not notice it during medical test?
6) I DID 2 YEARS OF NATIONAL SERVICE
7) Serve another 2 years as a combatant? FOR FUCK? FOR FUCK? FOR WHAT FUCK??????

Well, after cursing (in my dream, that is). I call the famous MINDEF (NS) hotline: 1800-3676767. My blood was boiling and I was ready to give that ministry a piece of my mind.

How? Well, in the real life, when I was serving my REAL National Service, I was a reservists clerk. Meaning I handled reservists policies and training. Me, being a ‘reservist’ now, knew my own rights. I still remember certain policies like the back of my hand. So MINDEF is going to have a tough fight.

Back to the dream.

I called the famous 1800-eNSNSNS hotline and managed to get through to a clerk after only five minutes of waiting. After explaining my situation to him, he put me on hold for another 10 minutes while checking my records. He came back on the phone and, guess, what he said,

“Aiyah, serve another 2 years lor. No big deal.”

FUCK THAT SHIT. Well, look here Mr. I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck, in two years, I would have finished my degree. FUCK, I would have gone on to do one more year of honours instead of wasting my time and youth camping outfield with 200 other guys. In fact, I FINISHED MY NATIONAL SERVICE AND HAVE NO NEED TO SERVE ANOTHER 2 YEARS. KNN. CHEEBYE.

Well, Mr. I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck hanged up on me before I can finish cursing his entire family.

Undaunted, I called every single superior in CMPB (Central Manpower Base). How did I know the number? Skills and knowledge from real life, man. In my REAL 2 years as a reservists clerk I made friends with the superiors in CMPB.

Well, after identifying myself to another I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck clerk, I got fed up and demanded to speak to his superior, who turns out to be a friend of mine during my REAL NS life. I won’t mention her name, its not her fault after all, its just a dream. Let’s call her Susan.

Susan: “Zareth! Long time no hear from you!”

Me (I cut to the chase): “Susan, what the hell is going on? Why am I called back for another 2 years of enlistment??”

Susan: “Ah, really ah? Wait let me check.”

After another 10 minutes wait.

Susan: “Oh, because MINDEF changed policies again mah. Aiyah, come back serve 2 years won’t die, right?”

Damn right I won’t die, not. Well, I cursed Susan’s family and hanged up the phone first. Desperate, I called direct to the enlistment office, where an unfortunate clerk picked the phone up, only to hear my screaming and ranting:

Me: “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS CALLING ME BACK FOR ENLISTMENT YOU FUCKING CHOA CHEEBYE!!! KNN! NABEH, 2 YEARS FOR YOU NOT ENOUGH, IS IT???? MUST TAKE ANOTHER 2 YEARS FROM ME, IS IT??? YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER, I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION NOW!!!!”

The clerk on the phone reduced to a blubbering idiot. After I calmed down somewhat, I explained everything to him and told him, NOT, I repeat, NOT to just try to pawn me off because God knows, I handled every reservists matter before and I knew my rights.

FUCK, if I had to, I’ll write to the Strait Times forum and complain. Even to Temasek Review.com. God help Mindef once every reservist goes into riot mode. There goes Singapore’s security.

The clerk, sufficiently cowed, told me that he’ll need to do a thorough check on my records to understand why I was being enlisted for another 2 years. He told me he would take a long while and that he would call me back. Me, being a clerk before, told him that he better call me back by 5pm because if he don’t, God help him and his family.

Well, half hour later, my phone rang.

And I woke up.

It was my phone alarm ringing.

I’ve never made out with my pillow so hard before. I realized everything was just a dream, although a very horrible one.

I can’t explain, why, of all dreams, this has to pop into my mind. Even in Singapore, after I ORD-ed or ROD-ed, I never, ever had this kind of dreams before. My only explanation?

Well, maybe being a reservist clerk, I get screamed and yelled at by desperate reservists, who in essence, were just normal people trying to make ends meet in the harsh world of Singapore. Many times, I’ve been subjugated to lawyer’s threat, letters from the MP (Member of Parliament) and what nots. How I cursed at the clerks in my dream were exactly how they cursed at me.

Sure, some were complete, total bastards. They did not deserved my help whatsoever. They’d do anything to skirt from the call of duty, using any lame excuse. To those, go fuck yourself, you’ve never gained my sympathy.

But to the majority, especially the average joe working his butt off, I’ll always try to help them. Be it reducing their training by a few days or postponing it to another more convenient date. But sometimes, my hands were tied behind by the system and I could do completely nothing if their unit demands them to come back for ‘operational’ integrity.

In the 2 years of being a reservist clerk, I did become jaded and cynical, treating every single NSman (reservist) with suspicion, not believing their so-called ‘sob story’ until they can actually show me the hard proof. Blame it on the minority (the lame excuser, the fucking impolite ones, the one who try to fucking boss his way around the system) who spoiled the market.

And maybe because I feel guilty that I’m secured in the knowledge that I won’t ever have to do reservist training. Ever.

Who says being a clerk doesn’t come with emotional scars?