May 21st came and went.

The Rapture did not happen. 

Rapture? What Rapture?

Wait, what is a Rapture?

It is not a rapture, it is the Rapture. According to Christian theology, or more accurately, the premillennial theology, the Rapture is an event where God takes up his elected people to heaven before the end of the world. So basically when the Rapture happens, all of God’s elected people will disappear from the face of earth and go to heaven.

Just like that, poof!

So what has May 21st got to do with the Rapture?

Well, this American Christian radio host, Harold Camping, predicted that the Rapture will occur on 21st May 2011 and that the end of the world will take place four months later on 21st October 2011. He predicted that the Rapture will occur across the world at 6pm local time, “…sweeping the globe time zone by time zone.” Wiki link here.

It’s as if God decided to have the Rapture while respecting our time zones. I can imagine this scene taking place in Heaven:

GOD: “The time is nigh! I shall call my elected people to be with me! Begin the Rapture now! Earth will… what’s that, Gabriel? Time zones? “

Gabriel: “Lord, you have forgotten that humans measure their day according to different time zones. “

GOD: “Oh, thank you for reminding me, Gabriel. Let’s start again, shall we? Ahem, one, two. The time has come! The Rapture shall begin at 6pm local time!”

Wait a minute, isn’t God infallible? So if Gabriel corrected God and God accepted the correction, doesn’t it means that God has become fallible? And if all existence rest on the assumption that God is infallible, doesn’t Gabriel’s action proves that God is fallible and thus negating existence? I guess this is the part where Metatron goes: “My Lord, NOooooo……”

(Kevin Smith’s movie reference).

Another thing, does God includes Daylight Saving Time?

Anyway, Since I stay in Sydney, Australia, I had the honour of getting front row seats to see the Rapture.

6pm came and went.

Nothing happened.  There were no news of mass panic on the streets of Sydney (except from the usual weekend crowds) and life went on as usual. As Earth rotated on its axis to complete its… rotation, there were no news of Rapture taking place in other countries.

May 21st came and went.

So what went wrong?

I have two theories on why the Rapture did not take place. Bear with me.

The first theory involves Lee Hsien Loong’s swearing in ceremony. On May 21st, Prime Minster Lee Hsien Loong and his Cabinet were sworn into office.

I have a strong feeling that the PAP must had an agreement with God to postpone the Rapture. After all, you can’t have any event overshadowing the swearing in ceremony. Imagine this:

Gabriel: “The time now is SGT 6pm, UTC +0800 hours. Location, Singapore.”

GOD: “Begin the Raptur….”

Lee Hsien Loong: “Wah piang, eh. Don’t like that, eh, God. Can postpone or not? Today my swearing in ceremony as Prime Minister.” 

GOD: “Give me one good reason why I should postpone the Rapture.”

Lee Hsien Loong: “My father is Lee Kuan Yew.”

GOD: “Oh… very well then.”

The second theory is that Lee Kuan Yew asked God to postpone the Rapture for five years so as to allow the Aljunied voters to reflect on their mistake and repent:

Gabriel: “The time now is SGT 6pm, UTC +0800 hours. Location, Singapore.”

GOD: “Begin the Raptur….”

Lee Kuan Yew: “Not yet!”

GOD: “Oh, I damn it! What is it now?”

Lee Kuan Yew: “You have to change the date of the Rapture.”

GOD: “There better be a good reason for this.”

Lee Kuan Yew: “Aljunied. They have not repent yet. I’ll need five more years.”

See lah, Aljunied, who asked you to vote for Opposition? Now you screwed up God’s schedule.

Sorry, Harold Camping, you had your predictions derailed because of one small, city-state in Southeast Asia.

But if the Rapture were to happen, I would prefer if it happens this way:

GOD: “Release Kirby.”

Gabriel: “Lord?”

GOD: “Release Kirby!”

Gabriel: “But why, Lord?”

GOD: “RELEASE KIRBY!”

Taken from Daily Doodly

So watch out for the pink, fluffy ball in the sky.